One day, my father fell sick with cancer. His joy, peace and serenity through all of this suffering struck me a lot. He had a secret. God was his strength. He was always praying. It was on my father’s lap that I started to be fascinated by the beauty and actuality of the Gospel.
It was during this period that I also began a friendship with Susan, who became the first of the community, and also Father Salvatore, our founder. I started to pray with Scriptures every day since I was thirteen years old. When I was fourteen years old, my father died. After his death, I decided to go to Mass every day. I wanted to be closer to Jesus, and closer to my dad. I fell deeper in love with prayer. However, I remember that at a certain point, I was scared to death of praying more. This was because I was afraid that God would call me to be a sister. My natural sister, Tiziana, decided to join Susan in beginning the community of the Apostles of the Interior Life. I thought that Tiziana was crazy. Why do you want to renounce marriage if marriage is a path for sanctity?
A retreat that I attended when I was 17 years old changed my perspective. A girl that happened to be in my tent shared with me her desire to be a nun in a cloister. I didn’t want to talk with her, but just to be polite, I started asking her many questions. A few days later, I found myself fascinated by the idea of giving one’s life totally to God. I knew that whatever God wants for us, marriage or consecrated life, is for our good and that is what will make us happiest. I wanted to pray more to discover God’s will for me. I told Jesus “I want to be open to your Will, whatever you want to do with me, do it.” I thought I was ready to surrender myself to Him, but I wasn’t.
A few months later, I got to know a very Catholic, gifted and handsome young man by the name of Nicholas. I fell head over heels in love with him. I knew that it wasn’t the time to date him because I wasn’t sure yet about my vocation. For one and a half years, we were just friends. Afterwards, a series of circumstances that I wanted to read as signs from God lead me to a dating relationship. It was a very healthy relationship. Before going out together, we used to spend half an hour in prayer in a Church. Time went by and a growing sense of restlessness invaded me. On one hand, I was very happy because I felt truly loved and I sincerely wanted to love him; on the other hand though, something was missing, I couldn’t understand what it was. I asked Nicholas for a time of reflection.
It was during this precious time that God gave me the grace to discover my vocation to the consecrated life. I really wanted to be Jesus’ spouse. My only desire was to pray and to love God and all the people that God puts in my path with a completely undivided heart. I could not keep for myself the treasure that I had found.
