vocation stories | TIZIANA
A year following my “conversion,” I met my soul mate at a friend’s house. We started dating. On the one hand, I was very happy; on the other hand, after our dates, when I returned home, I felt as though I had wasted precious hours of my life. I felt drawn to and admired people who renounced marriage in order to give themselves completely to God. At the same time, I felt very attached to my Prince Charming. Later on, I was struck by a book of St Ignatius of Loyola. He said that an essential requisite to make a decision in accordance with God’s plan was interior indifference. This meant a disposition to complete openness to whatever God has in store. One can understand his/her vocation only if he/she is free from prejudices, preconceived ideas and self-interest. One has to be able to tell God with complete sincerity, “Lord, do with my life whatever pleases you – it matters not whether you want me to get married or be a nun.” I realized that I didn’t in the least bit have this interior indifference. One night these words came to my heart – “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and inherit eternal life.” (Mt 19:29). Those words pierced my heart. I thought: “I should break up with my boyfriend for a while, in order to reach interior indifference. Jesus will either let me meet this same guy again, or He will let me meet another guy a hundred times better (he did promise a hundred times more on earth, right?). Therefore, why should I fear to break this bond?
I promised Jesus that I would leave my love as soon as possible. Shortly after, I understood that Jesus was calling me to be His spouse. How did I understand that?
I simply saw the passing of my days and understood that time is very short and each one of us has a mission to accomplish. The more I prayed, the more I was aware of the number of people that were deprived of the light of God. My desire to dedicate myself wholly to them became impelling.
I wanted to spend my time in prayer, in learning about the things of God and in helping my neighbor spiritually.